game show love connection.

So what I do over the next few weeks really will inspire what I do next year.
Thing is, without college I don't really have much to do.
Apart from work, who arn't taking on anymore people or giving out any more hours.
That leaves me the choice of finding another job to fill the weekdays.
But what I would really like to do is a part time course in another college.
Just to pass the year and that way I can do something I'm really intreasted in.
Something that I will look forward to learning.
Because yeah, Media was all fun don't get me wrong the course was not too bad.
But it's not me.
I'd rather be making something people can see and use. Something physical.
I've always loved cooking.
I'm dissapionted with myself for changing my mind about it last year.
I was all ready to start the catering course, it was perfect.
But then I went and changed my mind.
I'm sat here now nearly a year on, thinking ''what was I doing?''
Why couldn't someone have slapped me across the face and told me what an arse I was being?
Not that the last nine months have been a waste ofcourse.
Half the people I came to know are simply amazing.
I would have given up ages ago if they hadn't been there.
The other half?
Well lets just say peoples true colours are always revealed.
Even if it is too late.
I'm just glad I've got the right ones in my life from now on.
Another option would be to do something about journalism.
Not that I've had any experiance in it.
The idea sprung from when someone told me they like what I write.
It's the little comments like that which make me feel better.
Make me think I can do something right atleast.

Your the pick-me-up I need.

eternal optimist.

Maybe it's not even advisable to be an optimist
Maybe pessimism is something which needs to be applied daily like moisturiser?
Otherwise how do you bounce back when reality batters your belief system and love does not, as promised, conquer all?
is love a drug we have to get off of ?
Or is it what's keeping us all alive?
Whats the harm in believing?
When you look at your cup, do you see it as half full or half empty
this is the forever unanswered question.
Before i thought about it i always thought of mine being half full.
But if you think about it, it all depends on whats going on on the inside.
I mean if your pouring into the cup then surely the cup will be half full/
However if your drinking from the cup it will be half empty, right?
It'll come to you, only when you truly believe you deserve it.

What is not love is fear.

why are you saying all this?

There is a time when before the first flowers even buds,
You can feel the season click
the air is crisp, the summer is here.
Maybe our mistakes are what make our fate
Without then what would shape our lives?
perhaps if we never veered off course
we wouldn't fall in love or be who we are
after all seasons change
people come into your life and people go
but its comforting to know the ones you love are always in your heart.
It's official, the season has changed.

50 years from now i might be old, but I won't have forgotten you.

tenderly.

This weekend.
Has been.
Pretty.
Darn.
Amazing.
It's taken me a while to recover from lack of sleep and to rehydrate myself, but all in all, i would totaly re-do that weekend in a heart beat!


It's the little unexpected suprises which are the best.

catch me if you can.

Life is what happens.

Maybe there are no tight moments

No right guys

Right answers

Maybe you just have to say whats in your heart.

Your much more then just my safety net.

i'm over it.

Your not worth it.
None of them are.
Which is why I've accepted what has happened.
Today when I got home I looked though my box of stuff.
I had forgotten some of the stuff that I had put in there.
Cards from people, tickets, my diaries.
Reading through all the stuff made me realise who really mattered.
I let some pretty amazing people go.
People who thought the world of me.
I didn't realise this till now going through all that stuff.
I'm not going to get rid of it because that would mean i don't care.
But trust me if i could i would keep all the cards and stuff out in my room so i can see it all the time.
But holding on to the past isn't going to get me anywhere.
At least I know when I get sad or lonely I can open my box and remember the influence i made in peoples lives.

I love you.

is this it?

That one phone call.
That's all it took.
To bring all the work I've done in the past nine months crashing down.
I feel like running back home to the people I know wouldn't have even thought about doing that to me.
But I have reason to stay and not run away.
I'm not running when life gets hard anymore.
I'm going to stand up for myself, keep my head high and carry on with it.
Nothing will knock me down.
I have my mum and mark,
I have my boyfriend,
I have my work,
I have a few friends left here.
Am I sorry for what I've done?
Yes.
Do I regret it?
Yes, but partly no.
This is because it's given me a chance to see who I can really trust and who I clearly do much better without.
I hope they realise I will never look at them in the same light again.
They can get off my pedestal.

I have everything and everyone I need and your not on that list.

no matter where in the world you are, their all the same.

Wow.
What can I say?
Was I expecting that?
No.
My mum warned me about you.
I should have listened when she first told me.
I can't belive i've been so stupid and trusted you all.
Especially you.

Give me a heads up next time, that way i can turn my back to you ready.

?

........
What a way to start.
Total blank.
I don't know how to put what i think.
I don't even know what I think. :P
You know those times were your sat at home and you start thinking up all these possibilites that could happen?
It's so stupid.
I hope the one half of things i thought never ever come true.
I'm sure they won't..
I'm sure that it's not true.
I'm sure?
I hope.

Take me, I'm yours.

you are poison.

Recently I'm questioning what I actually want to do with myself.
I cannot believe it's nearly the end of the first year in college.
The appraisals are coming up.
It's then we will be told how we're doing and if we are going to be aloud back next year.
I'd like to think I have no reason to believe that I won't be aloud back.
Okay, there's been times when I've been out right mean to people. But that's not entirely my fault. Eye for an eye makes the whole world blind. This is so true. It's not what you think though, when someone makes you feel like your not good enough. Why should someone get the right to belittle you and treat you like your some dumb kid? Who gave them power over me? They have nothing to do with me. I'm not surprised with the way they act that so many people dislike them. How do they expect to make friends with attitudes like that?
Dirt. that's what they are. Common filth.
Which leads me to my next point.
Do I really want to go back next year?
I mean it's been so good, one hell of a roller coaster.
My focus now is on getting a nice summer job.
One that gets me out there.
That way I can get more money for my holiday in August.
Which I'm excited about btw.

Your the laughter that dries my tears.

just give it a chance.

Today, we live in a society obsessed about the way we look.
Pictures can be seen everywhere; you must look like this, if you look like that no one will ever like you.
D'you know what I say to that? Shove it.
Smack bang in the middle.
That's were I am. That's were I intend to stay.
I admit, maybe if you caught me two years ago you would have seen me going through a tough time.
I missed meals, telling my mum I had had dinner at my nans and telling my nan I would have dinner when I got home. It left me exhausted. I kept fainting when I was out. Even once when I was at cadets. It's embarrassing.
On the other hand, I don't want to be the one who eats and eats till I'm so big I get out of breath walking down the stairs.
Being painfully thin or painfully over weight is not good. All those people out there who struggle with the way they look isn't helped by the media.
Everyone no matter what their shape, size, colour or gender should be shunned down. It takes three seconds to tell someone how nice they look today. Give them back their glow. Make their day.
Take care of your weight now. Don't wait until 20 years down the line and lose 20 years of your life when you could be living it to the fullest now.

A small compliment could make someones day.