spread your wings and fly

Ugh! Some people are so incompitant. Alright, so I can't spell. Does that really matter? ;)
But really you'd think they would be a bit more sensible wouldnt you.
So finally on the upside got my mother to let me out later in the night!
Still have to be in lame early but it's later then what it was so it's all good. Could be worse, might have to be in at 10 every night! That would be a disaster.
So heres a question for you ll to ponder. If you like someone, but you don't know if they like you, what do you do?
Isn't it so frustrating? It could be really nice but then what if you say something and they don't feel the same way, the freindship gets weird and you end up a sad old woman with 27 cats?
Go over that in your head for a while.
I think after 5 months i have eventuly got my room the way I like it.
And thats a good thing.
Maybe some day i'l start to call Cheltenham my proper home. I mean, i've been here long enough don't you think? I was so set against the idea of moving I feel bad about liking it here so much.
Not that I don't miss home but it's so nice here. Gradualy remembering my way around now too. Okay so some of the places around here I wouldn't go on my own in the night, or even the day for that matter.. But most places are lovely.
Espec the people. ;)
If it wasn't for them I would be sat inside everynight watching ten year old replays of the weakest link with my mother. How exciting!

Don't ever let anyone tell you that you arn't worth it.

if i had a world of my own.

I hate it when my rooms messy. I've got no problem with getting it messy. Thats easy. It kind of just happens. It's really strange, I could be in someone elses room and it could be a complete tip, but I couldn't care less. But my own room? Nowaaay. How can you sit there in a mess? Orginised mess is okay because you know were everything is.
I don't see how people can live like that tho.
Like on those t.v programmes 'how clean is your house?' why would anyone let their homes get to that state? Rubbish all over the place. Uch a fi.
I have not alot to complain about at the moment to be honest. Which I suppose is a good thing right? I hate comlaining. Wouldn't it be so much easier if everyone had nothing to complain about all the time? It would be so much easier. Gone are the days of moany people.
In my world everyone would get on all the time. There would be gatherings, people would be friends all the time.
Noone would ever have to feel alone and you could be were ever, when ever you wanted.
Grow old with me, the best is yet to come.

everyone is entitled to my opinion.

I've decided to higher my standers. Actualy no, scrape that. I have standerds, my problem is I settle. Now setteling isn't always bad, sometimes it helps you find amazing people who you wouldn't normal see yourself around. But my veiw on the matter is if they like me, surley I can like them back? So I find myself starting to like them more just because they like me. It's not good. I feel like it's unfair on them. I mean theres feelings, but it's one way?
Whenever I like someone it feels like i'm consantly told 'you can do better.' Now I don't think thats true.
When I like someone, from now on i'm going to like them because i want to. Not because I feel I have too.
And seen as i'm now 17 I think i'm pretty confident I can decide who I like by myself. I like him and you sed he's nice so lets leave it at that yes? :)
Anyway enough about all that nonsense lets get on to the real life.
As you read above i'm 17 now, officaily 17. It feels no diffrent from 16 really when you think about it.
My birthday was pretty darn amzing. I knew nothing about it and i'm so grateful for what everyone did. It really was a good night.
People got drunk, things got broke and drinks were spilt.
Thats the fun of things. Feeling the after effects mind, i'm not going to lie. Totaly worth it.
Summer will be the best time this year. Well you know what I mean. In the winter you can't go out and bum around in a park. It's to dark and cold!
But the summer? Long warm days equals long days out!
As you can proberly tell i'm not too sure what to write in my blog today. As you can tell by the random rambling on about useless rubbish.

I chose to see the world in bright colours.

you are my muse.

Some people aren't half arrogant are they! Your all nice to them but they are so up themselves they don't even carte. Who ever sed the customers always right, they are wrong!
Mind you there are some lovely people who I see. The ones who come in day in, day out. They make me smile and feel good about myself with the little compliments. Even if the majority of them are over 40!
But works work. Has to be done!
I like spending time out with people. Even if we just sit in a car for three hours talking about endless rubbish. We don't get anything out ofit but we have a laugh. Getting lost numerous times, forgetting which is the way around. Honestly we must have gone to the town centre five times before we eventualy found the right way.
But thats what we do. We talk.
So I don't understand how people think they can tell one person something and it won't get back to you. I mean yeah you say how you feel or think to one person and if they think you should know then their going to tell you arn't they ?
Or is that your plan? Do you want me to know what you think and want from me?
Because if thats the case, sorry love. Your not getting it.
Birthdays coming up! I honestly cannot wait. This year I tried to plan something but gave up half way through. Sooo i left it up to my lovely darling friends. They seem excited about whats going to be happening. But whatever it was I no it's going to be amazing. Aslong as i'm surrounded by people I like we could be doing anything.

I like you more then you think.

today was a fairytale.

Ugh. Why is it when you really want to go out you get told no?
Blah blah blah, I don't care what your reason is, let me out!
Instead I get to stay in tidying the mess in my room you made. Thanks!
Do you ever stop and wonder ''why do marshmallows blow up in the microwave but not over a fire?''
Surely the same princible is there. Both of them heat up the marshmallow. But there is no explosion if you hold it over a fire!?
I got a bit stuck for words today. I'm not too sure what to talk about.
Nothing really majorly wow is happening at the moment.
Just lots of nice little things.
I like when you text me because it shows you were thinking about me. Thats what makes me smile and realise that not all guys are jerk off's.
I find the most simplest things highly amusing. There are some times I know I shouldn't laugh but I just do! Even when it means i'm being mean about another person.
But their never going to find out, right?
And it's not like it's being mean. It's just a bit of humor.

Don't forget me.

pants are useless.

Listen to me. This is one thing I wish people would do.
Just shut up and stop talking for 2 minets. Listen to what I have to say and what I want.
I am capable of thinking on my own two feet.
If i make the wrong choices let me make them. It's the only way i'll learn. I want to experiance the world by myself, not be draped in bubble wrap by everyone around me.
I understand people might feel the need to 'mother' me as I admit at times i'm quite unkowledgable. But I do know what I want. And it's him, not you.
I want to run bare foot down the street,
Stay up past midnight,
Take risks,
Fall asleep in your arms,
Know what love is,
I want to live.
First, i'm going to sleep.
I've got a week off college so it should be nice. Pancake day tuesday!
Catch up on sleep, go out places with friends from college, even have time to get my hair done wednesday!
I wonder if, (let's call him... Dave) I get to see Dave this week. I hope so.

Always kiss me goodnight.

i eat glitter for breakfast, lunch and tea.

Sometimes everything is just over rated. What I mean by that i'm not exactly sure. It's like the meaing of life. No one knows the answer. I don't think anyone should know the answer ither. I mean, if we knew the answer to everything were would we be then? The world would be boring and fully discoverd. Wereas we are disocering new things everydday. Leave things how they should be.
Just because somethings not there doesn't mean it doesn't exsist. Every now and again you need to take risks. It's a part of who you are. Finding yourself and becoming a stronger person.
Apparntly theres a pyramids in Egypt. But how do I know? I've never seen them. If we all had this attitude imagine how the world would be. So lazy we couldn't even be botherd to go see some of the most amazing things you will ever see.
Some people really confuse me sometimes. One minet your all happy and nice the next thing you come storming in with a horrid look on your face not talking to anyone? Basicaly, I will offer you my sympathy. But please don't complain and complain if your not going to tell me exactly whats wrong.
My veiws on certain subjects are strong. I think that what ever people want to do is up to them, but if I ask not too be involved, please listen too me. The repetative snide comments, the innapropriate jokes. It's not even remotly funny. You actualy scare me.
The worst part is that everyones noticed. I was the last to figure it out. Which makes me feel kind of vunerable. But I suppose thats the way I chose to be. I'm not going to change for you in anyway. This is me, who I am. Nothing more, nothing less.

Some things are better left untold.

take my hand, we can walk together.

Cakes is my thing. it's what i do, simple as. When i'm baking I love it. I can sing and dance around. Make a total mess, (which doesn't make my mum happy!) If i could make cakes all day every day I would take the opportunity.
I'm not really sure what I want to do with my life yet. It's kind of scary isn't it? I mean, theres only a year and a bit left at college. May seem like it's far far far away but really it's not is it?
Can i really make it in the Media? thats the question I ask myself. Am I confident enough to go out there and give it all I got?
I would like to say I hope so, but the world is so big. I hardly know were London is!
My geography I will agree is appaling. But my theory is, I plan to always be with someone. So, baisicaly they will know were everywere is and I won't have too. It's not the fact I don't want to know were places are, I just can't get my head around them. Continents, cities, countries.. All the same thing really arn't they when you think about it?
If I ever need to get somewere a plane or car can get me there. Sat nav's all the way!

The way you make me laugh,
The way you make me smile,
I just want you.

am i invisable to you?

I woke up this morning full of optisim. This is generaly how I like to wake up. On the brighter side of things. I'm set into a little routine were i get up each morning, out of the left side of the bed (because there's a wall blocking the right) and start fresh.
The past few weeks have gone past in a blur and with my birthday nearing in I would like to take a step back and slow down. I love taking my time and taking in all the things around me. What i can't wait for is the spring/summer nights were I can sit out and watch the stars. Well, the ones I can just about see hear. There is so much light coming from houses, lampposts.. it's unbelivable!
People really miss the beauty of things around here.
I can't think of anything better i'd like to do more at the moment then spend time with my friends. You really are all amazing. I don't tell people how much they mean to me enough and that is one of my bad habits i'l admit.
I'm counting down the days till the days grow longer, the nights fade into each other and we stay up till dawn. We can sit and talk for hours about absolutly nothing and get nowhere. Cheltenhams really quite pretty. I have a feeling the best is yet to come.

This is completly off topic now but don't you hate it when your talking to someone and you instantly feel about 3 centemeters tall. This is how I feel when i'm talking to you. ( not you reading this, i'm speaking metaphoricaly ) it's like 'hello! notice me. I like you, you douche!'
But guys being guys take no notice.
I like just seeing you when i do. You make me laugh. Thats just a bonus.
But enough about him, because you won't find out who him is from here.

My cup is half full.

with love comes pain.

Rose tinted glasses. I regret to admit this is how i see the world.
I'm starting to realise may be being vunerable isn't all it's cracked up too be. The amount of times i've let people close only for them to reveal their true colours and knock me down is countless.
But the thing is, is it really that bad? Sure every now and again I get knocked down a peg or two. But it makes me stonger for the next time. I like to think one day there wil be that one, whos diffrent from the rest. Looks at you like your the only one in his world, cares about you regardless of what other people think and will never leave you.
This is however, is the perfect senario. Everyone wants this, but only a small majority get it.
The only thing i'm truley scared of in life is growing old alone. It's the most daunting thing I could think of. I would hate to spend my last years alone when there could be someone with me.
Someone to share the memories, watch the sunset and flowers grow.
Okay, so I think you can geuss i'm a bit of an old romantic. Big soppy at heart really!
But isn't it best when you have someone to laugh with, someone you can just hug whenever you want too and fall asleep with. Thats the diffrence between friends and lovers. Yes friends are brilliant and amazing in everyway, but some times you just need that special someone with you.
I suppose this is why I seem to settle for any guy. I like company and people who make me laugh. Pity they all seem to turn into frogs sooner or later. I awlays think is it me? did I do something wrong? But no, it's nither of us. Being a big beliver in karma, if it wasn't ment to be then it wasn't ment to be. Simple as. I just wish I found out the easy ways rather then all the pain. I'm not going to lie, i've really cared about every single guy to the moon and back. Shame they feel it's okay to go around without a care in the world and abuse my feelings.
A hug a day goes along way with me.

this is me.

Today i've decided to start a blog. I'm not sure why exactly but maybe it'l give me a chance to explain how i'm really feeling and how much fun i'm having along the way. I like to think i've had a pretty decent life, got my mum and my brother who are always there for me.
I've been moved around a fair few times. First from Barry to Llanbradach, then too Ystrad Mynach. The hardest one so far i think tho would have to be the newset move to Cheltenham.
I remeber back when i was half way through my GSCE's and my mum told me about her idea's to move. At first I didn't take her seriously. I laughed about it, me and my friends joked about chaining ourselves to my house. It wasn't until I had completed my GCSE's in the summer when it really hit me. I really was leaving.
The time came to say goodbye to the people i had met and took for granted within the time we had together. I look bck now and to my mum i'm sorry for the way I acted. I'm ashamed to say that I made this move very hard for my mum. I changed my mind on what college I wanted to go too, which course I wanted to do.. It was a non stop battle against her. Only now I am realising she really did it too help us. Not just for herself. I've been here 5/6 months now, college has helped me meet new intresting people, those of which i'm glad i know.